"A blog for the people"

In order to demonstrate our zealous dedication to those who patronize this miniscule portion of the interweb, I dedicate this picture and the conversation that ensues to one, Sylvia Tolman. It seemed a fitting (footing?) tribute to she who has been first to comment on the site. May you walk far.

This picture was posted as her FACEbook profile picture. The commentary below is real, only the names have been kept the same in order to protect our identity.

Chris Allphin

You have a really wierd face.

14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:01 · · · Ver amistad

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    Daniel Thuet Before you de-friend Chris for the rest of life and eternity, please understand he is only referencing your choice of "facebook" profile picture. We are only worried that your fan base will be disappointed when they realize that your face is a foot. I mean, I try to appreciate diversity; but this is really hard.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:03 ·
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    Chris Allphin Thanks for the clarification Dan. In our apartment we try to accept all people, but we have to draw the line somewhere. Once I saw an individual whose face looked like a hand...how do you greet someone like that? shaking hands takes on a whole new meaning.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:05 ·
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    Daniel Thuet An excellent idea. Let us take the remainder of our time this afternoon to discuss the ramifications of greeting people with "different" faces. For example, a knee-faced person should be greeted with a slap...at least when the joke is good.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:08 ·
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    Daniel Thuet A toe-faced person could be greeted with a hearty rendition of "this little piggy goes to market." Unfortunately, it will be nearly impossible to get past the trip to the market.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:10 ·
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    Chris Allphin Dan brings up an excellent point. I could see people misinterpreting a slap because of a good joke for hatred or abuse. I remember when this happened to a good friend. He tried to greet an elbow-faced person and was then judged for the mistake in his behavior. He was then assaulted by a gang of people who called themselves the "funny bones." After the beating, this poor friend's face looked like a clavicle.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:23 ·
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    Daniel Thuet I shudder just to think of the "funny bones." Their involvement in facial profiling (similar to racial profiling) is barbaric. I remember when they didn't let a man vote because he had a heel face. Poor Achilles.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:29 ·
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    Chris Allphin And I still can't figure out how certain groups perform vital functions such as a eating, drinking, and breathing. Sylvia, maybe you could help us to understand? And would kissing for a person with a foot face be considered footsie?

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:37 ·
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    Daniel Thuet Digression- Kankels are the desired ankle of a foot face. Obviously, superior support and maneuverability would be provided.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:41 ·
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    Chris Allphin Those with sprained ankles might have a tough time with normal, every day life. Now you might ask, how does someone with a foot face receive a sprained ankle? A few things have been reported as possible causes..1) a foot-faced person incessantly denying that their face is indeed a foot and 2) the body becoming disoriented and actually thinking that the foot face actually has the ability to walk.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:49 ·
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    Daniel Thuet You can imagine the implications of this. Airport moving side-walks indicate the "walk" portions by painting small footsteps along the way. The confusion that has been discussed previously could lead to some VERY unsanitary (and likely painful) situations.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:55 ·
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    Daniel Thuet Note: In order to grasp this concept, imagine running a cheese grater over your face.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 14:56 ·
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    Chris Allphin Though unpleasant and slightly morbid, this is indeed a fine analogy. And just think of the onlookers when they see such an event. War veterans would have flashbacks and the innocence of children would be tarnished. I see this as a major problem in our society. Bloggers, please unite to rid the world of this horror.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 15:02 ·
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    Daniel Thuet

    Before we conclude this feast of knowledge and insight that has been proffered, I move that we establish a bill of facial rights.
    1. All faces are created equal. (Well, at least in the sense that they are sitting on our necks.)
    2. All faces have the inalienable right of free speech (unless you have a bum face. No explanation needed)
    3. All faces have the right to smile. (Note: When this right was voted upon, knee faces were slightly upset. For some reason, joviality is not widely appreciated among this group.)

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 15:08 ·
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    Jordan Stauss Indeed, throughout the years there have been various uprisings by the knee faces. During said uprisings, Doctors's offices are filled with countless torn ACL's and MCL's. The carnage has been terrible. The knee tendons have become squishy. But now, with the new facial bill of rights, we can move forward to a brighter future, filled with cohesive A and M CL's. Amen.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 15:14 ·
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    Chris Allphin How horrendous it would be to have not 2, but 3 knees. I feel for you knee face people. I am glad we are making your lives more pleasant considering this immense genetic disadvantage you have received.

    14 de marzo de 2010 a las 15:21 ·
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    Patrice Bretschneider Hahaha! Now I get it!

    15 de marzo de 2010 a las 8:17 ·
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    Patrice Bretschneider Ok, after reading further, I think this ones a keeper! You need to print it out:) it is not very often such wisdom of this magnitude is offered on facebook!

    15 de marzo de 2010 a las 8:23 ·
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    Sylvia Tolman Guys, I just read through this again, and it made my day. Again. (partly because I got half the jokes that i missed yesterday) Brilliant.