Independence

No. I am not referring to the BYU football team. And no I am not referring to the Day either. But both the aforementioned things can give us insight into what the word “independence” means. One thesaurus states that “freedom” is a synonym of independence. In the BYU football sense of the term, the team is free to play whatever team they want, whenever they want. But there is a little hitch to this freedom… there are still consequences to the actions of the football team (and no, I am not talking about the personal decisions of the football players, but the actions of the team as an organization). The team can’t just play Provo High every week, beat them by 100, and then go to the national championship every season (that little trick is reserved only for the SEC). BYU still has to schedule quality opponents every week and win in order to progress on the football totem poll (so I just realized I said I wasn’t referring to the BYU football team…and then I wrote this whole paragraph about the BYU football team. Sorry. All of my sentences can be considered independent of each other. They make their own decisions about what they are going to say…sort of). Now on to the meat. Let’s talk independence in the post high school sense.

Everyone has to go through the stage in life where they have to leave their parents. This event happens in all shapes and forms, whether gradually or abruptly, when you are 18 or when you are 30, etc, etc, etc. We are going to refer to it as the time when a young lad or lass moves out of their house (even though true independence probably comes earlier or later than that). In a lot of cases, leaving home is accompanied by a lot of joy. But sooner or later, every young adult realizes how comfortable (in most cases) home really was. An independent soul realizes that food doesn’t just appear on the table anymore, for example. This shock to the system takes a little bit to get used to.

In my experience, I have seen that people get more and more independent as time passes. They get past that initial food problem and figure out how to nourish their bodies more effectively. They begin to make their own day-to-day decisions without having to ask everyone and their dog’s opinion. They begin to develop their routine with school, work, social life, etc. Basically, they begin to not “depend” so much upon parents, or even other people.

But is there such as thing as becoming too independent? Well I know of some wise men that have said it is harder to get married as you get older because the marriage relationship requires a high level of unselfishness. Could it be harder to be unselfish with independence? I think it could be. Just some food for thought for those of you with hungry brains.

Tu amigo,

Chris

Re-Impress

So I bet most of you were wondering when I was going to throw in some sports analogies to spice things up a bit. As you all may know, I love sports…shocker, I know. So let’s talk Tiger Woods for a second… For those of you who live in a box, Tiger Woods is a golfer. And he is really, really good. Now imagine someone taking a long, metal pole and hitting a little white ball with it. But imagine doing to better than anyone else. Pretty cool, eh? After that scientific explanation of the game of gold, let’s get on to our story of Mr. Woods. So you probably either hate the man or love him. If you can think back to 2 or 3 years ago, the majority of the golf fan world loved Tiger Woods (1. Yes. Contrary to popular belief, there are golf fans. 2. If you are wondering whether golf is a sport or not, we’ll discuss that in another session. 3. Yes again. I do think these little blog posts can appropriately be termed sessions). Back to the nitty gritty. If you lived anywhere on this earth you heard that Mr. Woods cheated on his wife many times, blah blah blah. You know the story. This man, who we held up in such high esteem for his superb skill on the golf course, killed his reputation in one weekend when the media told the world of Tiger’s personal life (Well he killed his reputation when he made bad choices…but when the world found out about the bad choices, many people didn’t think so highly of him. But that doesn’t mean you should do bad things as long as you don’t get caught. Alex will probably find out somehow, because he is kind of sneaky, and he will punch you in the face. And you should be good regardless or irregardless or gardless. And God knows all. All these parentheses keep sidetracking me).

It takes many years to build up trust, but it only takes a second to destroy it. Mr. Tiger is arguably the best golfer to ever play the game. He impressed the world with his play week after week. And then BAM! Perhaps some will never be able to respect him again.

Now of course, I believe in the power of repentance and the Atonement. I still will like Tiger Woods for his superior golf skill…but the moral of the story is this – It takes a long time to build people’s trust…and once you lose it, you will have a tough time earning it back. Now Mr. Woods is in a tough position because of the glaring spotlight that follows him around. But in the end it is always best to choose the right. Be honest about who you are or everyone might think you are a big fat liar the rest of your life (4. No, I don't think fat people are all liars.) End of story.

Stay away from dangerous sharks...and liars,

Chris

Worst Impressions

They say you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. You really only get one chance to make second impressions, too. As far as third impression go, the jury's still out.
But this begs the question that first impressions are important. The first time I met one of my closest friends, he was a total jerk to me! (I'll let you speculate as to which of my friends it is... it's probably you... unless you're a girl. I gave that part away) Luckily, the majority of subsequent impressions have been quite pleasant.
I do remember it, though. If it's memory you're worried about, by all means, worry about first impressions. Psychologically, first, last, and deviant impressions will stick in your mind the longest, but usually it's the consistent impressions that matter the most emotionally.

In my experience, the first impressions are the worst impressions, especially when an impression is trying to be made. If the impression I was trying to make were an accurate representation of myself, then I guess I wouldn't have to try too hard. Right?! This calls into question the validity and efficacy of job interviews and blind dates (or the opposite of a blind date: a date based solely on sight). It baffles me that often the presumed remedy to not knowing anyone you'd like to take on dates is to ask someone out that you don't know. I'm truly baffled.
One of the worst ways to get to know someone: take them on a date. That is, of course, unless you plan on swapping shoes and going on a walk for at least a mile. Why???: girls show their true colors when they're wearing uncomfortable shoes. and for the girls: you can tell a lot about a guy by the socks he wears (if you've done this right, his feet won't fit in your shoes) What does this say about the women's no-shows I often wear?: I'm in touch with my feminine side. What side is that? No more questions! This is getting too personal. But I'm definitely not an ambidexter.

Brief and initial impressions like dates and interviews usually give us time to hide the negative parts about ourselves. Familiarity usually takes people off their guard and allows us to see each other as we really are. This is what C. S. Lewis says about that:

"...surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is. Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth. If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man: it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light."

So, we've all got rats. Hiding them may make a better impression, but it'll also keep 'em around. Rat's love dark, dank, and dishonest corners. A brief review of our honesty posts might be in order.

Real impressions take time. I put a lot of time into the bum impression on the driver's seat in my car. I'm proud of the body shaped impression on my bed; I've devoted nearly a third of my life to that nook. And, I'm pretty sure I'm responsible for at least one of the impressions on the stairs in the BYU library.

So don't worry so much about immediate and superficial impressions! Quit rehearsing answers; Don't wear so much makeup; Stop working out so much. If the consistent impression you leave while your guard is down isn't that impressive, looks like you've got other things to worry about that will be or have been addressed in other posts.

Here's the challenge: The next time you're talking to someone, stop thinking about what you're going to say next, and really listen.

A swimming friend,

Alex

First Impressions

Wrong. I'm not talking about throwing the first punch! Although if Alex threw that punch it might be your first and last impression...on you face. Like this:




Some of you are possibly using this picture to symbolise your last relationship, job, boxing match, or run-in with bad mexican food. All of these uses are appropriate.

However, for the purposes of this post we will be using the picture as comic relief and nothing more. It's interpretation is left to your volition. You're welcome.

Now I want to share with you a lesson I learned that left me quite impressed.

After a scuffle between two of my siblings, my brother told my Mom he was sorry. My Mom wisely replied, "Come back when sorry is accompanied with a plan."

(Yes, I'm quoting my own mother yet promising you this is not a Mommy blog.. feel free to use the picture above as a depiction of your feelings right now.)

When we are trying to be good friends, good family members, good citizens, or just good people, it is inevitable that we will find plenty of opportunities to apologize. Regardless of your situation, I am certain that you have already had an opportunity today to apologize to someone.

Since apologies are used so frequently, there is danger that through repetition they will begin to lose their meaning. This holds true for our apologies to both men and God (feel free to substitute "repenting" for "apologies" in the case of the latter.) A true apology requires a plan of action or change of course.

So my finvitation to you is that next time you are about to say "sorry" (and assuming you are NOT playing the board game sorry, which teaches principles contrary to those we have discussed above) consider how that apology is going to be accompanied by a change in yourself.

Just keep swimming friends,

Dan